omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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