I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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