I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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