Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
