OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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