Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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