When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
