So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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