I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
