im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have fence marks all over my body
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
