I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
