He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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