Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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