No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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