He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
