I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We got so high we made milksteak
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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