I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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