im holly from the hills drunk
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
