I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
