does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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