Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
