I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
