She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
