My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
