at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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