dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
