i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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