Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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