it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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