I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
