seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize