He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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