actually, I'm a sock model
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
