He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
