So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize