hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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