Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
