you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
