woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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