I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
