I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
