Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
