i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
