I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
