This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize