Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
