Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize