grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
