did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How does one acquire holy water?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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