Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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