so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
