I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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