I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
