Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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