This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
