Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
