Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
