fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
