i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
