My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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