I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
