i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Semen is not good for contacts.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
