i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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