my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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