I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
