I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i think im in europe. pls send help
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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