last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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