DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
