Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize