history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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