About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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