I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
