cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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