i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
