You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
