I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The maid of honor just puked.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
