i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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