how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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