True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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