At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
