its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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