so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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