Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
sex in a hospital.. check
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
