3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
