We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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