Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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