you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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