so that wasnt chicken after all
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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