dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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