she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
