So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
