STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
