I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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