and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
