What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
