You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
