That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
