I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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