If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize