Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
