how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
