Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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