i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
