I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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