I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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