The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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