Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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