I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
