theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
