bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Enjoy the penises
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
