i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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