ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
