I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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