see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
