Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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