If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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