I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love having hate sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
