dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Randomize