There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Are we still banned from the library?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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