i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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