She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
