Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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