JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
