ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
