I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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