I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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