Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize