Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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